And just like that, I’m 30.
It’s funny. There was something in me that thought perhaps I’d feel differently when the calendar turned to November 27th. The anticipation I was feeling reminded me a lot of that jump from 12 to 13. Back then, I didn’t awake to find myself feeling like a real-deal teenager, and this year I didn’t wake up feeling how I had hoped: grown up, or at least slightly more so. Instead, I felt no different than I did when I went to sleep.
30. It seems like such an important age. I spent weeks counting down to it and planning my goals for the coming year. So many expectations were placed on this single age. “This is my year!” I repeatedly told myself. “Thirty’s going to be my greatest age yet!” I started writing my life list, started making plans. And now here I am, just two days after my birthday, and I’m feeling let down. Thirty isn’t great yet! It’s just like any other age, just with more gray hair. Clearly I could have made an effort to cross a few things off my life list during the two hours of free time I've had.
I’m ridiculous. I know.
One of my worst habits is not giving myself enough credit for pretty much anything I do. But it’s time for me to honestly tell myself, “You’ve come a long way, kid.” Despite the things I’ve done that I’m not proud of, I’ve allowed myself to grow exponentially and have hopefully given myself the humility to know that there is still a lot of growing to do. The person I am today is a long way from who I used to be, but it's still far from who I’d like to become.
One of the biggest things I need to teach myself in the coming years, life list or not, is acceptance … acceptance for life as it is, for people as they are, and for who I am.
(Stay tuned for a post dedicated to my Nerdy Thirty party, including pictures of the outfits, the decorations, and the awesome invites!)