Have you ever had a random thought pop into your head that you just can’t ignore? Ever since I woke up this morning, the same thought has been dominating my mind: “You’ve been ‘off’ because you’re not living your values.” I know it’s a thought that comes from “Something More” by Sarah Ban Breathnach, though I can’t recall the exact wording.
It’s no secret that I have been out of sorts for a while. Though it’s happened before, this time the feeling has lasted longer than ever. Maybe I had my quarter-life crisis a bit late? Or maybe I had my midlife crisis earlier than scheduled? All I know is that things just haven’t been right. I’ve wanted to pull myself out of this hole for a long time, taking steps to do so, only to fall right back in it. Truth: It’s impossible to fix something when you don’t know what’s wrong.
Then this morning on my drive to work, that thought popped into my head. It seemed to just keep repeating itself. My inner voice was speaking, and it needed to be heard.
There are things that nourish my soul, things that make me feel like a complete person, and I haven’t been doing them. And if I have been doing them, I haven’t been doing them enough. I make excuses; I play down their importance. Because of this, I’ve felt emptier than ever before.
My life is nothing big. It’s a sweet, little life that I hold dear. There are things that feed my spirit … home-cooked meals, fresh-baked goods, yarn-filled marathons, nourishing others, artistic play … when I stay true to this, I feel whole. In the past I’ve downplayed how significant they are to me. Lord knows why.
I know how easily I allow myself to get distracted from my own life, but I just can’t do that anymore. To life my best life, and to be the best version of myself, I need to prioritize my life, and stay true to what I hold dear. If I do that, everything else falls into place.
Part of this means posting here more often. Though I’ve never blogged as regularly as I would like, it is something I enjoy, and I know I need to make more time for it. I love the relationships I’ve built because of this blog, and look forward to making more friends through here.
I know this a slightly odd post. I just needed to spill my thoughts somewhere, and what better place than here?